From Hidden To Healed

I woke up abruptly on 1.2.26 to my dog, throwing up on my bed. I got up and removed the blanket and let my dog outside. Then I went back to bed.

As I was waking up, I realized I was going to be eating breakfast that morning after a 3 day fast. I was feeling really good about my fast for the new year as I wanted to seek the Lord, and I thought to myself, I did it!

As soon as I thought it, I felt the conviction of the Holy Spirit and knew that it was pride. I can do nothing without His grace to do it. In fact, I can do nothing at all without Him. (John 15:5b) So I repented, and God started talking to me about my tendencies and how I am geared to accomplish tasks. In fact, one of the tasks I often do is to clean people's houses because I love it when it is finished and all clean. I take a look at it and go, “Wow, that looks great, I did a good job.”

God began showing me that I accomplish a task and then take all the credit for it. I feel really good about MYSELF FOR WHAT I'VE DONE as if God had nothing at all to do with it. I can't even breathe without Him or have a body that is able to work and accomplish anything without Him. While I am the work of His hands (Isaiah 64:8), I was taking all the credit for the work of my hands. God was showing me a root of pride, all twisted and fastened to everything I think and do. Including the things that are kingdom stuff like fasting.

I immediately confessed and then repented as I was feeling the grief of the Holy Spirit. I asked my Father for help, knowing He would help me lay the axe to the root of my sin that He had just exposed (Matthew 3:10 and Luke 3:9). Still it may take some time to renew my mind from the habit of "taking credit." Here I had been thinking that 3 days of fasting plus 3 hours of driving with Jesus on New Year’s Eve plus seeking Him would equal an awesome time with God and an encouraging word for 2026.

Well, I did get that, but then woke up to a heart condition I didn't know I had. In fact, it reminded me of my dad telling my mom as he was going to divorce her, "I did all this. I made all the money, I provided everything for you, I built a lucrative business, and you just stayed home and watched the kids." It was that big declaration of pride that traumatized me in my late teens, and now I found myself uttering the same words to myself, “I did it.”

The phrase "taking credit" is not the same as receiving credit. When another gives you kudos you receive it but when you take credit you are presenting yourself as the source of the outcome when in fact the Bible says every good and perfect gift (charis in Greek which means grace) comes from above from the Father of lights who never changes (James 1:17). And it is God who causes us both to will and to do His good pleasure (Philippians 2:13). Grace is not just unmerited favor but the divine enabling of the Holy Spirit to live. It is a gift you can't earn, so you can't boast about it (Ephesians 2:9). Everything I have is a gift from God, but also, the enablement to accomplish every task is a gift from God, and yet I had taken all the credit for something I had only partnered with God to get done (1 Corinthians 3:9).

Just as repulsive as my dog throwing up on my bed, which is supposed to be an intimate place, is me saying in the intimate place of fasting, “I did it.”

So, as I was wondering about this all day and then the next morning, I "randomly" opened my bible up to spend some time in the word. I found myself in Hosea 14. It's only 9 verses long, and I had no idea what it entailed, but as I got to the second half of verse 3, I read this:

“We will say no more, our God, to the work of our hands.”

I suddenly realized that when I take all the credit for things I accomplish, I am making accomplishment a god. This is called idolatry. Verse 8 explains more as God speaks:

“O Ephraim, what have I to do with idols? It is I who answer and look after you. I am like an evergreen cypress; from Me comes your fruit.”

My fruit comes from God, not me. It says in John 15:5 that He is the vine and we are the branches and that in order to bear fruit, we must be connected to the source. He is the vine. He is the source. John 15:8 says:

“By this, my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples.”

Who’s glorified when I bear fruit? God is! I thought, "Oh Lord, I have made the work of my hands an idol, putting it in the place of You." So I confessed my sin as 1 John 1:9 says, and repented of idolatry, and asked My Father for help once again.

As I read on to the last verse of Hosea 14, I was reminded of a dream I recently had. In part of this dream, I was standing in front of a full-length mirror, and as I looked in the mirror, I did not see myself, but I saw God. I asked Him for wisdom and understanding, and without waiting a second, He just gave it to me, like, "Here you go." I was stunned He would give it to me without reserve, without conditions, and without any waiting at all.

Hosea 14:9 says:

“Whoever is wise let him understand these things; whoever is discerning let him know them, for the ways of the Lord are right, and the upright walk in them, but transgressors stumble in them.”

When I looked in the natural mirror of my life, I had only been seeing me, not God in me, giving me grace for everything. But God, in His absolute goodness, was giving me wisdom and understanding to see that my ways were not His ways and my thoughts were not His thoughts SO THAT I could be healed and conform my thoughts to His and my ways to His.

So whether I am fasting or not fasting, Jesus said that it is not what goes into a person that defiles them but what comes out of them (Matthew 15:11). The root issues are always hidden in the heart, and the Father knows what they are and how to heal them. And He will do so if we are open and sensitive to His voice and to His Word, have faith in the cleansing power of the cross, and embrace the divine grace that is freely given. He loves us so much that He shows us the hidden things we can't see.

While talking to my friend about this, she mentioned thankfulness, and I thought, "Of course!" That's the KEY to staying away from pride, unforgiveness, grumbling, complaining, and many other fleshly things that we express and do.

So now I can say, “Thank You, Father, for enabling me to fast and to hear Your voice. Thank You for working in me a spirit of excellence to clean houses or whatever else the task may be and for helping me recognize that I need to put You at the preeminent position in my heart. Thank You, Father, for teaching me to cast down my idols and worship You with my life. Freely, I have received it, and now I freely give You the glory!” Hallelujah!