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Recently I heard someone (I believe it was Troy Brewer) say that how God first shows Himself to us is an indication of our identity and purpose. I thought back to when I first encountered Jesus and thought, "Yup. That checks out."

I was probably about 4 or 5 years old (see pictures above). We had recently moved from an apartment into the house in which I would be raised. It felt very big with two floors, an attic and a basement, and nothing was scarier than having to go down into that unfinished basement when the whole family was all together on the top floor where the bedrooms were located.

I don't remember exactly what was going on in my little life on this particular day but I remember thinking, knowing, I could take my burdens to Jesus. So I went into my bedroom, sat down on the floor and began to sing:

"I must tell Jesus, all of my troubles. I cannot bear my burdens alone. All through my trials Jesus will help me. Yes, He will help me. Jesus alone..."

And still to this very day, when I remember that moment, I can see Jesus sitting there on the floor beside me, His arms wrapped around me, my head resting on his chest. He was my comforter, the one who loved me and was always there to listen to my troubles, a shoulder to cry on. He was El Roi, the God who sees. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that He was for me and would support me through anything. This was my first real encounter with the person of Jesus.

So obviously I'm a therapist. What else would I be? How God first showed Himself to me did indeed have everything to do with the purpose He was calling me into. My whole life I have always loved people deeply, feeling like every person created by God was a unique and incredible gift to my life and to this earth. I always wanted people to know how very loved and lovable they were and to see themselves the way I saw them as utterly irreplaceable with a way bigger destiny than they could ever fathom.

At age 13 as a freshman in high school, I left home to go to a boarding school in Andover, Massachussetts called Phillips Academy. I fell in love with everyone I met and I remember wishing I could know everyone in the whole entire world. Sadly, I discovered not everyone knew their worth. This made me more determined than ever to ensure that everyone I knew experienced my absolute delight in them, and I tried my darndest to hug every hurt and fear out of their hearts.

Being a therapist is my grown up, sanitized version of that. Whether or not you're supposed to, I deeply love my clients and they know it. I couldn't be more invested in or committed to their healing and growth if they were my own child. Yes, there are more boundaries with a therapuetic relationship, and I can't physically hug their hurts away. But I can listen to them, I can bear witness to their trauma, and offer the loving shoulder to cry on and the base of support that Jesus was to me nearly 5 decades ago. Just as Jesus has diligently worked on healing every hurt, every bit of brokenness in my soul, so I work tirelessly with my clients so that they can uncover every wound, every lie, every chain and exchange lies for truth, rejection for love, hurt for healing, bondage for freedom.

As I've been asking God why He is having me write this blog, I hear it will be a new way for me to love people with truth. Many of my clients do not know Jesus, and I cannot talk to them about deeper works of healing and deliverance. But on this blog I can fully share gospel truth with whoever in the world wants it. It's hard to imagine why anyone would want to hear from me in a day when they have access on the internet to the greatest voices of our day. Who am I? But I will trust God that there is a reason for this blog and that He will use it as a way I might on a regular basis hug the whole world --whether they know it or not.

For some reason I keep hearing the words of Kevin Costner in Field of Dreams, "If you build it they will come." At the very least I know that as I build it, He, Holy Spirit will come. And I trust Him to fill it as I yield it completely to Him.

Prayer:

Holy Spirit, come hover over these empty pages as you hovered over the surface of the waters when the earth was void and shrouded in darkness. And birth this blog. Birth Your vision. Birth Your will. Birth Your kingdom. LET THERE BE LIGHT!

"By faith Sarah herself also received strength (dynamis) to conceive seed, and she bore a child when she was past the age, because she judged Him faithful who had promised." Hebrews 11:11 NKJV

Amen, Lord! Let it be to your servant as You have spoken.